Metamorphosis of a Man

The Fall; paperback edition.
The Fall; paperback edition.

A high brow Paris lawyer. A vain do good-er in the extreme. Smug.

A traffic argument leaves him in an embarrassed shock. Someone of his profession and verbal agility is wronged in public. And the public agrees. Outrage at there being no one to defend him, to support him; our lawyer recedes into a more normal though imperfect life and being.

The public’s perception of him does not meet the purity of his own.

It is a defeat. A grand fall.

Folding blue sports chair on grass.
Folding blue sports chair on grass.
Trees and brush
Trees and brush still and staring.

What is this life but reading in the park on a Saturday midday.

At Peace with the Understanding of Life and People

Into The Wild Paperback Cover
Into The Wild Paperback Cover

Trust is a very difficult emotion to feel for someone. It’s fragile and sensitive. Trust can be created more easily with strangers than with family. Strangers have yet to hurt you and generally don’t intend to if they seek your trust. And if they do hurt, then it is placed aside as an example of humanity’s nature. As if your were expecting it and satisfied so proved right.

Family can scar; always hurting and infrequently punished. One’s family is not chosen so it’s okay to disregard.

New adventures  sought to create distance between yourself and Family. Along the way a new family is formed; a family of strangers that morph into friends that understand and accept your present self. Friends that want trust and discretion.

And this conflict seems to have drawn Alexander Supertramp to tramp across the country rejecting all that family meant and created a distance of silence. He doesn’t share his adventures. Of strangers he creates family and of family he creates strangers.

Sunset in the East

Setting in the west the Sun leaves us in the shadows. 

Sun so bright the ocean water and sand are warm. 

Where does seaweed come from and how long has it drifted in the ocean before washing ashore? And then where does it go? 

This isn’t a typical beach day.  It is a Father’s Day. These days make me sad and force me to avoid people more than the usual. The attention is uncomfortable even when shared with an entire country. 
And so I drift to the shore like seaweed to be among strangers arriving and those leaving having spent there entire day in sand. 


Untiring breeze touches me and calms my thoughts. The sensation of traveling this wind evokes. The high and low static of the waves. 

I remember digging troughs in the sand in wait for water to enter and complete my sand castle. The princess inside held captive by an moxie crew of assorted shells. 

And the last sun rays  streaks across the evening sky. The sun retires and the wind continues. 

Karlstad and the 45 Minute Wait

The late afternoon sunlight illuminates the edges of the balcony sliding glass door behind the vertical white blinds. Windows and blinds and curtains closed. The Sun finds a way in. Waiting for the Sun to tire. For the Sun to release it’s grip on the earth.

Looking at the grey Karlstad sofa reminds me of the 45 minute wait for the good folks at Ikea to bring out the three boxes constituting the sofa.

Total Anonymity

Anonymity = No one knows your name or where you are geographically.

Linguistic anonymity = No one can identify your gender by your online word choice.

A JSTOR article on linguistic anonymity was curious. My expectations were to find a how-to list of tricks and tips for staying anonymous online. Almost like a beginner’s guide to online safety. However, article transitioned to female gamers and their need to be thought of or assumed to be males and how they accomplish this by filtering what they type online. Here’s a PDF version of the article in case JSTOR removes it.

Behavioral anonymity = No one can identify you through online behavior patterns; what you do, when you do it, how you do it.

After reading the article a leap of thought occurred that, like keystroke loggers, you could be tracked by how fast you type or your writing style, word choice, and sentence structure. With a large enough sample size you could potentially discern who is behind the keyboard. And this thought recalled something that Google is doing to rid the world of passwords. Google is creating a Trust Score that does recognize different typing speed between users and behavior or activity throughout the day to create entropy needed to generate secure passwords. Being as skeptical as I am this leads me to think that if not soon on the horizon, that this form of tracking is perhaps already happening.

Why are there different meanings behind anonymity? Always thought anonymity meant covered all aspects of being. Continuing with my pessimism it seems that companies, advertisers, marketers and the like find ways to limit or prevent anonymity and each of their oversteps creates a new definition and layer of anonymity previously implied or assumed. I propose a new definition: total anonymity. This new term covers all layers of anonymity – known and yet to be known – so that total anonymity returns to simply mean anonymity.

Any Why Not the Country?

English garden at Cummer Museum in Jacksonville, FL
English garden at Cummer Museum in Jacksonville, FL

Open space and grass and heavy speaking drawl and trucks and jeeps. This is the Florida country. Every visit welcomes me just a little more.

There’s a likeness that bleeds from the nicer neighborhoods covering the lesser ones like a blanket making everything and all areas look nice. One balances the other.

On the fourth visit I arrive at the determination that Jacksonville like all cities or towns has a nicer and lesser areas. This is a step up from my original thought that this it was all just a large back swamp country brush lacking culture. A visit to the Cummer Art Museum and Gardens helped change my perception. And when I say ‘nicer neighborhood’ I really mean the Riverside neighborhood in which the museum resides with grand porches of late 20th century homes and willow trees bordering St. John’s River. A very quiet and southern feel.

And with this feeling of casting off city life do I wonder if life can be equally enjoyable in the country. Trade urbanism for nature, subway for motorway.

What kind of legacy do you create?

What kind of friends do you have?

What kind of family do you build?

What career do you toil at?

These visits to see my sister have been pattern forming; same activities followed by same thoughts of what is she doing here. There is little to say. Spend the time driving from store to store buying her things; groceries, cosmetics, blankets, just whatever comes to mind. In exchange for my troubles I’m allowed a visit to a museum to wander unsupervised.